Instinct

My insides churn like a new galaxy is forming. Billions of tons of matter slam into each other creating energies that can only exist at the heart of the universe’s most violent affairs. Passing light slows to admire the brilliance of what happens in here. Observers millions of light-years away will watch these events unfold in the future and wonder if anything survived.

 

Man, I’m hungry.

Flame Cycle

My skin is on fire, So I just slip out the back and watch my body burn from the corner. The shadows racing back and forth across the floor makes me giggle, they're so silly. It's like they're dancing to the crackling sounds of the flames breaking my skin apart. The shadows get taller as the light sinks when my body falls to its knees, and then to the floor. The shadows dance less as they grow. Now they're tall and solemn, like they've become old men dawned from the husks of dancing youths. The main fire has passed on and my carcass is just smoldering now, with a subtle orange glow. The room is barely lit at all and the shadows have become barely noticeable they're so faint. They stand still, like headstones. Soon they fade away completely, and darkness overtakes the room.

As I leave the room, I wonder if my new body-less life will have the same blueprint: Dancing youth, Solemn elder, Fade to black.

Addict

It’s been twenty six hours since my last one. They said quitting would be hard, but I never thought it’d be like this. Every person I see grates on me like a playground slide made of nails. I have elaborate fantasies of grabbing each and every person by the neck and pressing my thumbs into their throat until I see their eyes go all foggy breathless.

The bank is probably not the best place to be when I’m this degree of on edge, I know, but banking has to be done. As I approach the teller, my fists already hurt from balling them up so tight, trying to find some release for the tension.

Just one more, I thought, that’d be a release.

I tucked that thought away and handed over the deposit bag. The teller opened it up and dumped out all of the checks and bills and started to count. Damn, I thought, she’s slow. I could count those bills faster with boxing gloves on. I could feel the tension rising again. I grabbed the edge of the counter and started to squeeze, anything to bleed out the rage. The fake pressed wood creaked under the stress, and after a few moments, broke away from the desk completely. The teller, with her fat stupid face, stared at me with a face that nudged me just over the edge. When she opened her mouth to say something in what I can only imagine was the most annoying and nasally voice ever to exit a person, I took the opportunity to jam the wood in my hands right through her skull.

Boy that felt good. Talk about a tension breaker.  As I looked down at the lifeless body before me, I thought that unlike that one twenty six hours ago, this really does have to be my last one, so I should savor it.

 

Coffe shop

Sitting in a coffee shop, I suddenly realized that I’d never seen this place before. Quickly after that realization came two more; the chair I was sitting in was awful and it felt like a thorn was stuck in the roof of my mouth.

I stood up and it was like the morning’s first stretch. I didn’t recall how I got where I was…everything felt brand new, as if all of my senses were just waking up. Not knowing what else to do, I walked over to the counter and ordered a hot chocolate. The guy behind the counter gave me a cup and I took a sip.

Pain screamed through my head. I’d forgotten about whatever was wrong with the roof of my mouth.

I reached in and felt around for anything that might cause that kind of irritation. I found something, about the size of a grain of rice. I grabbed it as best I could and gently pulled.

Out came something. And, it kept coming. As I pulled it out, my vision pooled with blood and my entire face went numb. When it finally ended, it appeared to be a needle about seven inches long. I could feel the cavity in my head that it had left in its wake.

The numbness in my face spread to my whole body and the room was red with my blood. It was a strange time for me.

I guess I should find a better chair, I thought.

Change

The night was stuffy and particularly dark. Exactly the opposite of a fresh piece of lettuce in a bright crisper drawer, I thought. I wandered, almost blinded by the blackness, down a cobblestone street. The air was so thick that it felt like I had to force my way through it, so much so that when I finally came to something that wasn’t air I didn’t realize it and just tried to push through.
When I failed and realized that it was a brick wall I threw my head around looking for any signs of anything. I saw one light, so dim that it was just inside visible, just to the left of directly above me. It looked like it was submerged under thirty feet of murky water. I followed the wall to my left until the light was just overhead and found that the wall turned to wood, and the wood had a handle.
I yanked at the handle, and nothing happened. I pushed on the wood, and nothing happened. I knocked on what I assumed to be a door, and waited.
Suddenly, a hole in the door about six inches across and two inches tall slid open. A beam of bright light from inside the wall shot out into the alley and penetrated about four feet of the haze. It was blinding. The light then subsided as something moved in front of the slot in the door. My eyes were confused and I couldn’t focus on anything, but I knew that it was a face, peering out at me.
I realized that I had fallen into a cowering position when the light came, so I righted myself and looked back at the face, waiting for it to speak.
It didn’t. It just studied me for a moment and slammed the slot shut. A few seconds later, I heard the latches on the door dancing around and suddenly it opened just a crack, flooding the alley with light again. As I pushed the door open, I looked around inside to find nothing but a chair in a small room with another door at the far end. That door also had a slot, to which the face had moved and was peering at me again. As I entered, the door closed behind me. I glanced back, only to see outside briefly, where the light from the room exposed what I think was hundreds of people stacked along all the walls of the alley.
The door clicked shut politely, and silence poured violently into the room. There was nothing but the chair, and the eyes staring at me from the next door. They were big, wet eyes. I could hear them blink.
With little else to do, I sat in the chair. It was wooden, with hand upholstered padding on the seat and back; a royal purple fabric, held in place by brass tacks. The arm rests were just a bit too high to be comfortable.
The room around me blinked out like a light bulb reaching its end. When it came back, it was something else. The tiny room had grown into a huge area. The walls had changed from brick and stone to cold metal. There were tubes and vials of some glowing green substance all around me, and some huge tanks against the walls. The chair had also changed; it was now much bigger and metal, with straps holding me to it. I struggled pointlessly a bit.
A dome lowered from the ceiling, covering me and the chair entirely. I was surrounded in solid black. Somehow, I was calm. Maybe things were happening too fast for my panic to keep pace. A din started up and slowly grew to a deafening roar. As that happened, dome flooded with something. I could feel it creeping up my legs and torso, and eventually my legs and face. Afraid to breathe, blind, and deaf, I did what anyone would do. I passed out.
When I came to, I was in what seemed to be a glass tube. I was several stories above the dome on the floor, which appeared to be doing its thing again to someone else. It finished and lifted, spilling gallons of that green stuff into surrounding drains as it broke its seal with the ground. As the dome lifted past the subject in the chair, I was startled to find out that the subject was me. I looked lifeless and cold. I tried to slam the glass with my fist, only to find that I had no fist. I looked at myself in the chair, and discovered that I wasn’t actually seeing me. I knew it was me, but sight was something I lacked. I sensed it. I had been separated from my body, but I still felt a link with it. I felt it sit in that wet chair. I felt a release under the chair, and I felt my body fall into a tube. I felt it follow the tube all the way down to the alley, and I felt it thud on a pile of other bodies.
At that point, I was just me. I forwent panic and instead studied what I had become. Before I got very far, a man approached my glass tube and grabbed it. He walked me over to a larger glass enclosure and inserted me. I could feel the man. He was the eyes that peered upon me earlier. I could also feel that the glass was not glass, but something special. Almost like as this being of pure consciousness that I had become, I could pass through anything except this glass.
I felt eternal. Living outside of time and sense, if that’s still living. All of time was mine, and I was trapped in a box.
I’m not alone in the box. Countless other entities are in here with me. We have a sort of timeless community. Every so often there’s a new addition, and we welcome it. New topics of discussion are always welcome when you have an eternity to fill.
That wet eyed bastard has an armchair set up just outside the glass, and he comes to sit with his whiskey and peer in every once in a while. I imagine this is what it feels like to be an ant in an ant farm.

Writer's Block

The white of the blank page on the computer screen filled the room with a dusty haze and shone off his face in the manner of a dull moon. One hand lay rested on the keys and the other was wrapped around a cup full of clear liquid. His gaze was fixed on the upper left hand corner of his reality, but he didn’t perceive anything. Instead he concentrated his energies inward and scratched around in his mind with a sharp metal rake looking to unearth something to fill that damn page. The rake pulled up lots of things; a song lyric, movie scenes, foggy memories of the colors of the walls in high school, old pets, and all of it was useless. He needed something new.

Taking a break from the mental yard work, he shifted focus to his eyes for just a moment. The room pulled into view, and the ceiling corner he was looking at slowly came into sight.  Something was wrong. A shadow was cast on the ceiling that shouldn’t have been. Like something spiny and dark. After a minute of watching it, he pieced together that it was pulsating and getting larger. Also, unlike a shadow, it had depth.  He slowly rose from his chair, keeping his eyes locked on this thing. He did not immediately see the humor in the fact that he’d found something new.

The dark thing grew larger and larger, eventually enveloping the room’s sole light source, the computer. In the dark, he could hear the thing creaking and growing. He backed up until he found a wall and followed the wall to a corner. The thing continued to creep through the room, though due to the newfound darkness he didn’t know what kind of progress it was making. He soon struggled to hear the thing over his fevered breathing and violent heartbeat.

Standing in a corner blind, he started to feel a presence on his chest and legs. As it grew in strength, he felt a similar pressure on his face. His panicked breaths shortened due to a lack of available air. It wasn’t long before the dark had closed in on all his senses like a second skin. The pressure was unbearable.

And suddenly the pressure was gone. It was more than gone. On the pressure scale, where the needle had been at an unreasonably high number, the needle suddenly snapped back, but didn’t stop at zero. It raced back and finally came to a stop at a similarly unreasonably low number. He could feel his parts separating in the vacuum. His eyes pulled out of his head, and everything went white. His arms and his legs tore from his torso, and his torso tore in half.  Each piece of him became two pieces, again and again.

All that was left of him was his consciousness, which had been spread to every corner of this new universe. He could simultaneously feel that this place was infinite and that it was expanding. He was inside the dark, a part of it. As it grew, he grew. He was the darkness, and he would devour everything outside before long. 

Just as he accepted what he was learning, there was a blip in reality and everything flushed away like someone had pulled the plug. He pulled his face off his keyboard, his eyes fighting to stay open and a small trail of drool following him away. On the screen was a blank page, save five characters.

nbgfv

He could feel where those keys had been pressed into his forehead.

Button

Having dropped  my keys between the couch and the wall, I reached into the gap to retrieve them. While I was feeling around, I found what felt like a button. It was round, made of cold metal, and set in a cold metal base on the floor. Without thinking, I pressed the button because that’s what you do with buttons.

The floor started to shift. Each floorboard pulled in the opposite direction of its neighbors, parting the ground like two combs separating. Beneath, there was no discernable thing, just an intense dark blue glow. Eventually, the floor opened up past the confines of the room and I realized that the floor wasn’t separating, but reality was. The walls, the couch, and my keys all slowly vanished as if they were sounds that were getting further and further away. Soon, there was nothing. There wasn’t even me, at least not a physical me.

I wanted to close my eyes, but I had no eyes. It dawned on me that I wasn’t seeing anything, so closing my eyes would be useless anyway. This was a new kind of perception, one that I had no escape from. I would just be and endure endless nothing with no distraction for the rest of time.